Why is “being present” so important?
Geller & Greenberg (2012) state, “being fully present allows for an attuned responsiveness that is based on a kinesthetic and emotional sensing of the other’s affect and experience as well as one’s own…”
In Western society we have learned to react. Our reactions to friends and foes are controlled by the reptilian brain and limbic system, the oldest part of our brains. Reacting does not usually involve our prefrontal lobe, the seat of reasoning and judgment. This signifies being guided by unconscious, involuntary actions. We can say, in these cases that we are guided by our ‘gut reactions’.
The reptilian brain is the primary actor in ‘fight or flight’ and as you can imagine, fundamental for our survival. In the limbic system are engraved our emotional attachments, aversions and childhood experiences. These are pre-conditioned responses created by our biographical, emotional experiences. These two actors are inseparable. Our brain analyses present events by looking for similarities with past experiences. Even the slightest similarity for the reptilian brain and limbic system can spark a reaction, which may be inappropriate. A perfect example of this is PTSD where any similarity to the past traumatic experience causes a physical reaction similar to the original traumatic event, even though inappropriate. The pre-frontal lobe is overridden, impeding the possibility of clear thinking.
In working to develop presence, we learn to be able to recognize and set these reactions aside or, in the best scenario, through self-healing, to rewire our brains. We then are no longer controlled by involuntary reactions to past experiences, but are able to defuse these deep seeded emotions. We are then able to act consciously. When we have developed an awareness of our “knee jerk” reactions, which can manifest themselves at any level: verbal, physical, and/or emotional, we are able to take a step back from difficult situations and remain grounded.
The psychological term for this sense of aversion or attraction to people, places or things is known as countertransference. These are experienced as somo-emotional sensations and/or memories.
As pointed out by Benedickte Scheiby (2012) there are two types of countertransference. The first is when the therapist’s actions are reactions. This is when our unexplored and unconscious psychological issues remain unconscious. These reactions distort our understanding of the situation or person. This can lead us to become overinvolved, over-whelmed, in other words, becoming ineffective as friends, family or therapists. These reactions are harmful making it impossible to connect to others.
The second scenario is when we have worked through our personal issues, usually through therapy, developing self-awareness. Somo-emotional reactions evoked in us then become valuable information, opening up several options.
- The first is that we recognize reactions as our own material, but not relevant to what is happening at the moment. Then we are able to set these reactions aside.
- The second option is, again that we see it as our own baggage, but recognize that this information could be relevant and give us insights into what the other is going through having more empathy.
- In the third case scenario, we sense that these somo-emotional sensations have nothing to do with our own personal experience. In this instance the perceptions may be of deep significance and invaluable information for a deep connection with and understanding of the other. (Scheiby, 2012).
Awareness of our somo-emotional aversions and attractions to people, places and things, even in daily life, facilitates our self-healing process. I say healing because these reactions often indicate some wounded part of our psyche. When that wound has been healed, we remain sensitive to its origin, but no longer its victim.